I feel betrayed by me friends. I was happy. Nothing lasts. Lets start with my “best friend.” Since this is my first post i will go through the list of people i know.
Tessa- i knew her in kindergarten, we were best friends, then lost contact until this year when she transfered back to my school.
Mariana- She was my best friend from 4th grade until this year when tessa swooped in and took her place. I felt bad for her, but not anymore.
Brittany- I spend so much time on weekends with her its ridiculous. I thought i could trust her with anything but i guess not.
Noah- He is my only true friend at the moment. I love him. I am not attracted to him, he is my best friend, nothing else.
Richard- I have had the hugest crush on richard for over a year. All my friends dislike him because he is a little mean to them but he is never mean to me. He says he doesnt like me but you know that gut feeling you get with people? I get that with him. I want to get over him, but it is impossible.
Mikey- Tessas crush. Not much to him. He is super smart and cute. Sometimes i feel like he has feelings for me, but im not sure so i dont worry about it much.
Connor- I want to trust connor but i cant. He is a gossiper. So, why do i tell him all my secrets? I have no idea.
The last person i want to talk about is me. At school i am a social butterfly. I am always talking, laughing, and goofing around. I go to a small private school so everyone is like family. I am the complete opposite at home. I like to read, work out, drink tea, reflect, cry, and stress out. Well, I dont like most of those, but you know what I mean. Everyone thinks my life is just peachy. It is not. My family is so dysfunctional but thats a story for a different day.
Today, May 25, 2013-
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was so worried about reading the responsorial psalm at mass but i got up and got ready. School was the usual. Math, Religion, English, Art, Science, blah, blah, blah. I don’t hate school. I like keeping busy, but everyone gets on my nerves. All my friends acted normal. They were all bubbly and friendly. It seems as though they love me at school but when they leave they are completely different people. Mariana and I were connected at the hip today but when i asked her for a ride and to wear flip flops so im not the only one, she said, “no.”
I can’t help but think someone is talking behind my back. Who am i kidding? Everyone talks about me behind my back. I wish i could attach a picture of our texts. I asked her “Whats your problem?” and she read it but never answered.
Brittany does this weird thing were she will say, “I HATE YOU” but sarcastically Then she will hug you. The only thing i believe that comes from her mouth is the i hate you part. She lies threw her teeth. I wish i could reverse time so we can be close again. I am almost positive she talks horrible behind my back. Noah has even told me that she has called me bitch, ugly, ect. I am immune to her words. I am immune to her criticism. I am immune to everyones opinion about me because they cannot change me. I will not change for another human. I can control myself. Back to Brittany. She is probably the cause of Marianas’ sassiness. I am just so: confused, stressed, angry, sad, depressed, emotional, the list goes on and on and on.
I havent cried out of frustration in about 3 months because my life has been going on track. Nothing lasts.